Zip Code:

53072

Status:

Partnered, 11 years

Why are your participating in this project?

To show that gay couples can share a long term, committed relationship, have great jobs, be accepted by supportive families and loving friends (both gay and straight), be positive role models for nieces and nephews, and be generous within the community.

What impact would you like to have?

We feel that we have the same responsibilities and goals as every other couple out there; to work and make a decent living, to pay our fair share in taxes, to help our neighbors and/or those less fortunate than us, and be accepted for who we are and what we represent. We have already made such an impact on our families, friends and neighbors by breaking down barriers or stereotypes. We are extremely close with our families and they love and respect us, and our neighbors and friends have welcomed us into their families as well. As far as our neighbors and new friends that we have met over the years are concerned, there may have been some brief moments of discomfort as we may have been their first experience with a gay person but as soon as they got to know us, none of that mattered anymore. We want to positively change the views of people who have incorrect perceptions of gay people, even if it is one person at a time.

Do your neighbors know you are gay or love someone gay or transgender?

We have been open with our neighbors since we first moved in together and we are almost certain that we are for most of them their first gay friends. We have become so close with all of them that they are included in family gatherings at our lake house and we are always included in their family events as well. In fact, many of our neighbor's children call us Uncle Tom and Uncle Brian. The most impressive situation is our 77 year old neighbor who now considers us his two other sons...what could be better than that? If someone that age can have such an open mind, why do others who are so much younger display such ignorance and intolerance?

What advice would have for your neighbors who wanted to show they were supportive to you or your loved one?

Neighbors may be co-workers, friends, or family.

What advice would you have for someone who wants to be supportive of their gay neighbors?

I would ask them to appreciate and comprehend the many rights and privileges that they have and understand that we are not as fortunate. I would also ask them, as I know many of them do, to talk about their gay neighbors and how similar we all are to each other. If they give examples of our interaction and how we live our lives, which is basically the same as they live their lives, it would be an enormous step to opening people's eyes. We have met so many of our neighbors families and friends and one by one, we feel like we are accomplishing this feat...and believe it or not, it usually takes less than a minute for these people to formulate an opinion of us, and I believe that it is a positive one.

How could someone show that they are for the fair treatment of everyone?

They could vote for equal rights for everyone, such as marriage equality. Also, if we hear negative comments about people of other races or ethnicities, we stand up and say that we do not tolerate intolerance of any kind.

What might they say to you to show their support? Is there any action they could do?

They show it every day by including us in the lives. Also, to vote for marriage equality and against anything that takes rights away from citizens.

Have you ever been discriminated against for being LGBT or loving someone gay?

Tom was pushed out of his job, along with another gay employee, after more than 20 years of exceptional service, and we believe it is because they are gay. We have a family member who voted against gay marriage, which was both disappointing and upsetting. It changed the way we feel about her, especially since we have always been very close and she has always involved us in her children's lives. We know that her church asked her to vote against us but we thought that she was intelligent enough to make up her own mind based on our situation, but we were wrong.

Do you think our community treats people in the LGBT community fairly? How so?

Yes and no. It is great that there is Pridefest in Milwaukee and more and more people are getting to know people in the LGBT community but until we have marriage equality and we have the same rights as everyone else in the state, there will always be unfair treatment. Why is it that we can pay the same taxes as everyone else but we are not afforded the same treatment as everyone else?  If we are not benefitting in the same way (i.e. taxes, beneficiary, social security, hospital visitation, etc.) as the general public, shouldn't we be paying fewer taxes? 

 Are you out to friends, family, co-workers – why or why not? This includes if you love someone gay or transgender? 

We are both out to our families, who are very close even though they live across the country from each other, friends, and co-workers.  We have finally reached a point in our lives that if someone does not accept us for who we are, we will attempt to make an effort at educating them but we have enough friends and family who we truly enjoy and we don't get to spend time with that we will not waste our time with people who are not accepting.

 Are there any laws that affect you, your relationships or your children as an ally or member of the LGBT community? 

Almost every law affects us, mostly in a negative way.  Wisconsin, for being considered such a progressive state, is clearly behind the times as far as LGBT equality is concerned.  The state has battled more about smoking in the past two years than they have for equal rights for the LGBT community.  Brian is from Massachusetts where gay marriage has been legal for some time...does a successful couple need to move out of state to gain equal rights?  Given the fact that many LGBT people earn great salaries and have no children which means they have more disposable income, how would it affect the economy in the state if a majority of the LGBT community were to move to a state that supports us and gives us equal rights?  I can't imagine that is something that would help an already struggling economy, but how much discrimination can we be expected to take when we clearly have other options of places to live?